i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
