Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Houston, we have a squirter
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
