I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize