When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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