i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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