(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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