just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
