i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
