Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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