my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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