That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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