my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
