His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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