Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
