You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
