You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
