U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
