You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
