The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
