I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
