There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
