I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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