People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
