If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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