hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She even gives head with a lisp.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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