Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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