You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
