Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
