captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
