i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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