I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
