If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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