He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
