somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
