I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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