I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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