if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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