Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
