My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
