I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
