Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I am one with the molecules
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
