And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
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I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
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When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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