Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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