Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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