Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
