Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
