If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize