i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
