my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
