if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He did a backflip because drugs
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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