unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
