Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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