I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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