At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
