In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
no, he came in my armpit
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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