I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
