$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
