Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
