he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
