dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
