is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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