Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
