Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
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I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
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Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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