i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
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