RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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