this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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