his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
