What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
They have beer where we have blood.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
