I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Nicole vs. Life
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
