Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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