Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You've changed since you got that strap on
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
