I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
