your thong is hanging out like whoa
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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