so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Randomize
