if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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