My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
