I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
