The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
