I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
