my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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