you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
