I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
